Many people ask me whether I think the psychologist or therapist they are currently seeing is on the right track.  Others will recall an experience they had in long-ago therapy sessions, and will ask about the effectiveness of methods practiced by that professional.  I don’t like to second-guess the good-intentions of my colleagues in the helping professions, so I evade these questions as politely as possible.

What I CAN do, and often attempt to do, is to assist people in finding a professional that has the necessary skills to meet their needs. However, I also believe it is important for the person seeking therapy to clarify what it is they hope to accomplish.  Below I’ve outlined what needs to happen if you think you might want to see someone in the helping professions.

The first step in finding a professional to benefit you is to ask yourself a few questions.

• What do I want to be different? Try to think very specifically about this.
• Who should have to make the changes to ensure this difference occurs?
• What is my learning style? Do I relate better to a person who simply listens without comment? Or, do I want someone to teach me new skills? Or, am I looking for someone who will dig deeply into my past, taking years to help me gain “insights”.  The options for answering these questions are as limitless as the number of people asking them, but you get the idea.
• Do I want a professional who is licensed or regulated by the state?  Does it matter to me whether this person studied the research about what works for my particular kind of situation? Please be sure to read my blog (August 2026) about my disappointment with my profession.
• Is it important to me that the professional I choose shares my religious convictions and uses those values in the work we do together?
• Will I be paying for these services out of my own pocket, or will I want to bill an insurance carrier?
• For the difficulty I face, will it be necessary for someone else to come to sessions with me (as in marriage counseling)?  Do I want to select a professional with appeal to that person as well as myself?

These are questions that you ask yourself prior to making that first call to a professional.  In my next article, I’ll talk about ways to know which professional might work best for you.

Final note on your search: You’ll notice that the above questions are for YOU to answer. This is no small matter. It is key to getting the kind of help you hope will make a difference in your life. I am biased about this, and when I’m biased, I think it’s important to state that right up front. I don’t believe “insight based therapies” are useful, and think they sometimes do more harm than good. In general, they fail the patient by wasting the time and energy that might otherwise be put to use in making change right now. Second, they dwell on the past, which can’t be changed. Third, they dwell on actions taken (or not taken)  by other people. For example, parents, bosses, friends from elementary school, etc. and none of that can be changed by talking about them. Understanding something in the past doesn’t change what you do in the present, so my strong bias is for learning skills to change what you are thinking and doing today, rather than giving time to something that was negative in the past.