“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” – Helen Keller (1880 – 1968)

In recent months articles on happiness are everywhere.  We see optimism and happiness, and life satisfaction mentioned in every publication from those on psychology to the magazines on gardening.  The tone of these articles suggests that we should be pursuing happiness full time, and that anyone experiencing sadness or grief is simply not trying hard enough.

A life of happiness and satisfaction is one built upon meaning, not pie-in-the-sky Pollyanna thoughts, and we should expect that some life experiences will be challenging, difficult, even sad or very hurtful.  At no time should it be imagined that a life of happiness and satisfaction would carry no grief or sadness, because that would be completely untrue.  To have meaning, life must be valued; I think we would all agree to that.  So it follows that in times of loss of life, loss of treasured relationships or when devastation (earthquake, fire, floods) strikes us, we may very well experience shock, sadness or grief.  If we have practiced the skills of optimism and resilience will know that these are not permanent emotions, but we will be sad, and feel grief at our losses.  The impermanence of life, and our happiness is part of why we treasure it.

The proliferation of articles on happiness and satisfaction are useful to move us in the direction of building the skills needed to appreciate our experiences and to reflect on ways that our life is meaningful, purposeful and satisfying, but not to urge us to laugh and smile all the time.

Long-term happiness is not like the hearty joviality of a day at the fair.  It is more like the joy we might experience in seeing our children reach their goals, or the pride we might feel at having been part of something much larger than ourselves.  When we reflect on the times in our life that have felt truly satisfying, they are likely to be times when we “got outside ourselves” to help someone in need, or create something of beauty, or to appreciate the generosity of another person.  Noticing, and savoring moments like that is a skill—one of the skills that lead to greater life satisfaction and “happiness”.   For more on the science of life satisfaction and happiness, see my posting on The Meaning of Life.  You might also enjoy Martin Seligman’s book Learned Optimism.