“Speak when you are angry–and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret.” – Laurence J. Peter (1919 – 1988)

Years ago, it was thought that anger must be “let out” or it would somehow “bottle up” until it exploded.  Not true, thankfully, but the misperception lingers in our popular culture as well as in some therapy offices.  More current research into the cause and effects of angry emotions tells us that venting may feel good in the moment of anger, but it does not reduce the underlying emotion much, if at all.

The best research we have today—2008—is that anger does not bottle up and gather steam awaiting an inevitable blow-up.  In fact, some kinds of “venting” actually serve as a rehearsal for additional angry outbursts in the future.  Encouraging children to act out their anger by punching a doll or pillow appears to increase the likelihood that they will behave aggressively in other situations.  The same is true of us adults: having a verbal rant about our complaints can simply add to the “reasons” we have for being angry, not to a reduction in that emotion.

What might work better?  Getting to the cause of angry feelings sounds complex and situational, but there may be a way to simplify our understanding of how this works, and then develop strategies for better management of these challenging emotional moments.

In general, and I urge you to test this out for yourself, anger results from a blow to our idea of “self”.   Let me give an example of this:  If I believe that I’m a pretty good husband, a great father and grandfather, a very competent psychologist, and a valued member of the academic community, etc., it will be a blow to my beliefs about myself if someone comes along and tells me I’ve done a crummy job at offering a class, or caring for my granddaughter.  I will feel affronted, and possibly that affront will turn into anger.  This is a very simple example, but it occurs every day as we encounter challenges to our sense of competence, or our sense of being valued by another person.  Maybe we feel disrespected by the way someone interrupts us when we are speaking, or when another person delivers information that we just plain don’t want to hear.  It can occur in very ordinary situations, but anger most always comes from some kind of challenge or injury to the perception we have about “who I am”.  Even extending this “sense of self” to a larger context where we become indignant about a political situation, or some national policy decision—the anger often comes from the deeply held belief that “this will not be good for me” or “this is not the kind of decisions MY nation SHOULD be making”.  We sometimes talk about “righteous anger” but I can’t think of a situation in which anger leads to clearer thinking, or more effective behavior.

To reduce the expression and acting out of angry feelings requires that I first recognize that this “challenge to my self perception” is what’s happening!  That’s the tough part!  If I realize that “oh, wait—that comment/action/inference doesn’t make me look so great” or “that offends my beliefs about my country, or my family, home, or workplace” then I can examine it in the light of reality rather than emotion.  Leaving the experience in the emotional realm means my emotions can be “hi-jacked” by the adrenaline of anger, and sent down a path I don’t want to pursue.  Engaging the executive function—the reason and planning center–portion of my brain is the only way to begin a rational response and stay out of that emotional mess that anger sometimes brings on.

How to do that?  Refer to the American Psychological Association article entitled “Catharsis Increases Rather than Decreases Anger and Aggression”.