All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else has that. – Baltasar Gracian

Who hasn’t been approached by a friend, a colleague or family member with the question, “Hey, do you have a minute?”  If your experience is anything like mine, you know that this interruption is unlikely to last just sixty seconds, but you also want to be helpful so you say, “Yeah, sure, what’s up?”

So often we agree to give our attention, but loan it only for an instant.  I know that when I’m interrupted, or simply sidetracked, from something I’m pursuing at the moment, whether it is my class preparations or a ball game on television, I will agree to that “minute” of distraction, but I continue to think about the task or activity I’ve left behind.  We all do this to some degree, of course, but as I’ve thought more about gratitude, mindfulness, and the values of positive psychology, I’ve come to realize that what we have to give one another is the gift of our time.  Sometimes I don’t want to be interrupted, which is a little like saying,  “I am the center of my universe and I’m not giving up my hold on that!”  Seriously, it seems that actually paying attention to another person is, in some way, recognition that I am NOT the center of the universe, and that someone else may have something of importance to share, or do, or contribute.  Novel idea, eh?

So listening with divided attention is not really listening at all, and further, it shows that I am not giving the gift of my time, but rather “showing the gift” without having to hand it over!  I get the image of myself holding out an elegant jewelry box to my wife, allowing her to see a lovely diamond gift—and then quickly snatching it back, “but not for you!”  That is what it must be like when I agree to pay attention—to give the gift of time—to my wife, my friend, my colleague, and then continue to work at my e-mail, or muse about the box scores or a particularly vibrant paragraph I’ve just read.

I’ve come to appreciate the phrase “paying attention” because there is a “cost”—it does require that we actually “pay”—to turning attention to another person.  As I grow older I recognize that time on this planet is not unlimited, and that I can only accomplish or experience just so much in the time that I have.  By beginning to consider and respect my own time, I have a clearer appreciation for the time that others accord to me.

Think back to the people who have made a significant contribution to your life.  Remember the individuals who made a difference in how you view the world or see yourself, and you’ll almost certainly think of someone who gave you undivided attention.  For me, it has been a series of teachers over the course of my education, an aunt who listened with a glint in her eye and an aura of warm support.  To be generous with material gifts is a fine character trait, but to be generous with time, ah, that’s a gift of a higher order.