Over the years I’ve met with many dozens of patients who say that they’ve reached a point (and some are quite young when they say this, while others are past middle age) where they just don’t like who they’ve become.  In one way or another, they feel as if they’ve hit a point of stagnation in work, love or another important aspect of life.  Sometimes they are struck with the sense that time is passing by and the high hopes they had for what might be accomplished, achieved, obtained or experienced in life—have not become realities.

In our culture, it seems we are urged toward “bigger and better,” toward “progress” and “having it all.”  A friend of my wife says she is quoting the Duchess of Windsor when she states, “A woman can never be too thin or too rich.”  To that, she adds, “or have too many silk blouses.”  But I’m not so sure.  Beyond the basics necessary for life, I’m not sure that we benefit from all that striving, all that wanting more.  In the final analysis, it probably comes down to a couple of questions that one can answer only for oneself—and the answers might change as life offers opportunities to address these things. (more…)

Okay, I’m breaking my own rule right now, but I’m thinking about this so it’s time to take action—that’s another rule that I try to live by—so here are my thoughts about vacations.

I’m spending a week away from my therapy practice, away from my life as an educator at The Evergreen State College, and I’m enjoying the company of friends and family in a setting that almost demands relaxation and reverie.  What occurred to me is that this is such a rare experience for most people—rare for me, too—and that without a plan and practice, slowing down is tough to do.  I know that I’ve written and talked about how our brains grow tired in much the same way that muscles wear down from overuse and strain.  We take on greater and greater responsibilities, almost without recognizing that we’ve added one more thing to our plate of obligations, and we tend to fulfill our commitments at work, and at home, but gradually as we take on these additional tasks, concerns and cares, the ability to manage competing demands is diminished.   (more…)